The Shortest Soccer Season Ever

When Mackenzie came home and said she wanted to play soccer, I laughed...not because I didn't think she could do it or anything like that...but because her schedule was already SO BUSY!! I was just feeling the relief of basketball ending, so to think about adding every day soccer practices at 7:30 AM and then week night games...well, I wasn't overly excited about it. But, after Brian and I talked about it and he said he could get her there in the mornings, and Madison and Jonah could sit in the gym until they could go to the cafeteria at 7:45, we decided it would be good for her to play. This basically meant that she would be at school from 7:30 in the morning until nearly 6:00 some days for Beauty & the Beast practice. Talk about a long school day! Mackenzie is our little social butterfly, so as long as she keeps up with her school work, we are okay with it. Her friends Jordan and Daelyn were playing, so I think that was her real motivation.

Turns out, I was worrying over nothing...she only got to practice for about a month and they only had one scrimmage and one real game before the corona virus shut the entire world down and the rest of the season was cancelled. Boo!! I'm not sure if we will take on basketball, soccer and the school play next year though...It was a LOT.

Here are some pics from her scrimmage...It. Was. FREEZING. I really think I may never have been so cold in my life! I'm so glad I went though, since it was the only time I actually got to watch her play. (I wasn't feeling well for the game, so Daddy went to that one and I stayed home.)

I don't know how Mackenzie wasn't freezing to death, with nothing on her bare arms...but I guess all that running kept her warm! 

My Instagram caption on this pic was "Even this little Eskimo was FREEZING at Mackenzie's soccer scrimmage. I may thaw out by tomorrow..."

Post-Game Selfie:

22 Weeks Baby : Burger

If baby is the size of a hamburger at 22 weeks, I'm thinking that must be the biggest burger on the planet! Haha! Jonah likes to remind me that my tummy is getting bigger about every other day, as if I haven't noticed. =0) 

It's such a strange feeling to not know the gender of this baby...most days I don't fret over it, but I have these moments where I feel this wave of panic, like I won't be ready because I don't know whether to prepare for a boy or a girl. Then I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that all we really need at first are some diapers and a few little sleepers, and then we can get the rest later. Something like that...eek! But what a fun surprise it will be in the delivery room! 

I did have Brian get down a couple tubs of baby keepsakes we had in the attic, and I was able to find a few things of the girls' and of Jonah's that we can use for this baby! 

Now that we are past the halfway mark, I guess it's time to start preparing and getting the things we will need for a newborn. It's been so long since we've done this, I just hope I remember how to take care of a baby when it gets here! I've written about it before, but there is just so much fear associated with pregnancy after miscarriage...even this far into my pregnancy, there's still part of me that is guarded. But the more I feel the baby moving around inside me and the further along I get, the spark of excitement gets a little brighter every day. 

These were some of my favorites...Jonah wore this baby boy outfit and Madison wore the girl outfit. So sweet! I posted this on Instagram "Really wondering today...boy or girl? What do y'all think? #112daystogo " and just a few people chimed in...there were 3 Votes for Boy and 4 Votes for Girl. Jonah found these baby slippers at Hobby Lobby one day and had the biggest fit over them! "OOOHHHHH, Mommy, we need these for the baby!!" We were on a mission that day to quickly find a present for G-Ma's birthday, so we didn't get them...I wish we would have! I'm going to take him back to buy these for his baby brother or sister though! He is going to be the sweetest big brother there every was! 

Brian and I went to his Aunt Ginny's funeral one day, then to lunch at The Garage with Grandma Baldwin, Danny & Amy, and then we went to Target to look at baby stuff. I'm so glad we did this when we did, because this ended up being the only time we actually went into a store to shop for baby gear, due to the corona outbreak. We found a glider rocker that we are hoping to get for our bedroom, and we also found the carseat/stroller set that we would like to have. 

I really never thought I'd be pushing one of these around again...

Sweet Babies...I'm Sorry I'm Not at My Best Right Now

I came across this article the other day and it just made me cry. I'm definitely not at my best these days...I feel like a failure most of the time. This pregnancy has taken a toll on me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...and I know my kids can feel and see it. I keep telling myself that this is just a season & this too shall pass, but it hurts me that I am not able to be the Momma I want to be right now. I am trying...I just hope when they look back and remember this time in life, that they know how very much I loved them.

Again, I didn't write this article myself, but it feels like it poured straight out of my heart. 

Dear Kids,

I'm sorry I was a jerk.

I wish you knew that sometimes when the house is dark and quiet, I come in and watch you breathe for a minute. I wonder there in the stillness if you know how much I love you. I think about the things I could have said differently, and I wonder if you let my mistakes roll off of you or if they stuck. I hope and pray there in the stillness that you would know how deeply and widely I love you.

You saw me at my best today, and you saw me at my worst. We cuddled on the couch this morning and your bed head was pressed into my chest. I smelled your hair and whispered I love you. I also lectured you about listening and not interrupting, and was way grumpier than I needed to be. Later, I laid on your bed and apologized for being a jerk.

You've seen me in all my colors and I have no facades with you. I am just one mess of a Momma that apologizes often and loves you with every fiber of my being. 

I don't really know what I'm doing. I wish I did, but I don't. I do my best and trust my gut, but sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I say things that shouldn't be said. Please keep telling me when I hurt you and I will make it right. We are learning and growing together. 

Sometimes I can't find the words to let you know how I feel about you. I want to, but I can't. 

Though sometimes I am overwhelmed and stressed, I wish I could hit pause and keep these days forever and ever. 

I am proud of you. I tell you that, but I know you don't fully understand what that means yet. I'm proud of you in a way that doesn't depend on your successes or failures. I'm proud of who you are and I will always be your greatest fan...no matter what.

I hope my imperfection gives you permission to be imperfect too. I hope you always let me see your flaws and your mistakes because you know I'm safe. I hope you never hesitate to tell me when you've screwed up, because this imperfect Momma will love you no matter what. 

My love will wrap itself around you whether you want it or not. There's nothing you could ever do that would make it stop. Not ever.

I am yours.

We're in this together for the long haul my loves, and there's no where I'd rather be than here.

I love you.

Love,

Momma

Feb Misc.

February was a busy month, with dipping strawberries and celebrating Valentine's Day, finishing up basketball games, and Mackenzie's almost daily Beauty & the Beast practices after school. My planner was very full & our busy schedule helped pass the time quickly. 

We watched the Hobbit & Lord of the Rings in February...saw this and thought it was funny! The kids have definitely had to do more laundry and chores around the house since I'm not able to do as much. I keep telling myself its good for them to learn to be more self sufficient! 

Madison got to go to the basketball homecoming game and then spend the night with Madelyn on Friday night. They had so much fun! 

 Then the next day, after their last basketball game, Jonah got to go home with Owen for a playdate and then to Jace's bday party. It was a fun weekend all around!

We did strawberries again this year...didn't sell nearly as many as last year, but still sold around 40 dozen! Very thankful for that! And VERY thankful for G-Ma, Connie, Poppa & Louise, for helping...no way I could have done it this year without them! 

Cheering Mack on and enjoying his candy bar! Poppa always gives the kids money to visit the concession stand when he's at the games! =0) Jonah's choice is always a plain ol' Hershey bar..."the flat brown kind," as he calls it.

Jonah is learning to build Lego's by himself! 

My Enneagram...interesting...

We got to see the Easterwoods for just a little while before the wedding! Why do these girls looks so grown up?! 

We went to Tulsa on Feb 15th for Emily Holden's wedding. How beautiful are these kids?! And how completely grown up does Mackenzie look?! Wow! 

Playing in the backyard with our neighbor, Addie! They were making a "rabbit trap" and I had no idea how close they were digging to some kind of buried line...Brian came home and was like "STOP!" They were sad that he made them cover their hole back up. I'm just glad no-one got hurt and no damage was done! 

Hahaha!! I'd say he was tired! 

Brian is officially a coffee addict...

They drew these pictures for the giving campaign our church is starting. Their pictures show how giving to the church helps people around the world! 

I feel like I've really accomplished something these days, when I buy groceries like this. Then I'm completely wiped out for the rest of the day! 

 This is what Jonah wanted to buy G-Ma for her birthday at Hobby Lobby...makes sense to me! 
Madi found some things at HL that she wants for her birthday too! 

We celebrated G-Ma's birthday at Ted's! She was just recovering from the flu...so glad she is feeling better! 

I think it's easy to see that they adore their G-Ma! 

This was a leap year! February 29th was Olivia's birthday party in Blanchard...the kids worked so hard on her cards! 

Mackenzie was not exactly into the JoJo Siwa themed party...hahaha! She was missing Bailey's company at this party! 

And Jonah, well I think he may have been the only boy there, besides Eli & Weston! He didn't care though! Happy Birthday, sweet Olivia! 

Pre-Algebra is HARD...thank goodness we have Connie!! 

We got this email from Mrs. Hansel...loved hearing this about Mackenzie! So very true...dependability is something we definitely see in her at home too!

I am always so thankful and relieved once we have confirmation that we are good to go for school next year. The Hopper's are such a huge blessing to our family! I have also been working to complete our OSF tuition assistance application, and will be very glad once that comes back. God is so faithful to provide for us to have our kids in such a wonderful, private Christian school. 

so sweet