After the longest night of our lives Wednesday night, we were thankful to see the sun come up Thursday morning...and even more thankful to see Madison's sweet smile when she woke up around 6:00 AM. She slept on and off throughout the morning, so Brian and I tried to rest as much as we could also. Even though I wasn't at the hospital with them, my heart and mind were very much there and I had trouble resting even at home. Thankfully, because of the pain medication they were giving her through the epidural and through her iv, Madison wasn't in very much pain. She was just very bothered by the tube in her nose and was still a little groggy and sleepy most of the day Thursday.
From the minute I opened my eyes Thursday morning, I was flooded with tears all throughout the day as literally hundreds of people let us know they were praying for Madison, and also as dear friends and family reached out with food, gift cards, sent gifts to Madison in the hospital, and offered to help us in any way they could...to say that we felt loved and covered in prayer is an understatement. It was incredible! And I don't know what on earth I would have done without my mom...she was an absolute godsend. She completely took care of Mackenzie and Jonah, made sure we had food to eat, and she cleaned our house from top to bottom, but most of all just having her with me made me feel better and able to handle the entire situation from home easier.
I did this FB update around 7:30 AM
"Hi friends, I talked to Brian just a little while ago and he said she is sleeping and comfortable, just not enjoying the tube in her nose. A doctor in the night told Brian that I could switch out with him today and be with her for a while so we are praying that happens at some point today. Thank you for continuing to lift our family up in prayer. I can't even begin to tell you how seeing each and every one of your names, and knowing you are all praying for our little girl, is a blessing and brings peace to my heart. God is so faithful, even in our darkest, scariest moments. Please continue to stand in the gap with us and pray for complete healing! (And that I don't go into early labor!) We love you all!"
Brian had been told during the night by a doctor that I would be able to see Madison on Thursday, but it took most of the day and him asking multiple times to get approval for that. Mackenzie helped me pack a bag of comfy clothes and some special little things from home that Madison might want (including a separate little bag for Pony, complete with her robe), and I also packed some clean clothes for Brian to have at the hospital. I got to the hospital around 4:30 in the afternoon and they told me I could be there with Madison and Brian for a few hours. I was so, so thankful to be there by my baby's side during that time. I watched, amazed at how well Brian was caring for her, and knew how to unattach and reattach all of her wires and tubes, to take her to the bathroom. She was very happy to see me, but she was also sad most of the time I was there because she knew it wasn't for very long. =0( Brian said she hadn't cried at all until I got there, but you know how it is with your Momma...
I tried to hold myself together, but when I asked the nurse if I would be able to come back again another day, she told me that unfortunately this was a one time exception, due to the circumstances. Madison and I both burst into tears at this news...it was so, so hard on our hearts for me to not get to be there. I ended up staying for around 4 hours and finally had to leave around 8:30, because I just literally felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, knowing I wouldn't be able to come back again. I will say that I am so thankful that I had those few hours there, because I was physically hurting so bad after sitting there for such a short time, that it was affirming to me that we definitely made the right decision to have Brian stay with her. No matter how much I wanted to be the one caring for her, it was just absolutely not a possibility for me at nearly 9 months pregnant. I definitely fought feelings of guilt over not being able to be there with her, especially when she would cry over FaceTime and say "I miss you, mommy."
Just before I left, Madison looked at me and said "I'm not going to be sad anymore Mommy, because I know even if they tell you that you can't come back, I know you'll find a way to come back." OH. MY. HEART. No pressure or anything!! Since then, we have laughed a lot about her making that comment...little stinker!
Walking out of that room (#9166) was pure torture...I cried all the way to my car and then most of the way home.
I posted this update on Thursday night when I got back home...
" Thank you for continuing to pray for Madi & our family. She is doing okay tonight, but please pray that her body responds quickly and she can get this tube out of her nose tomorrow. It is bothering her a great deal and she is very uncomfortable. She isn't even able to have ice chips or sips of water until that tube comes out.
I was able to be with her and Brian at the hospital for a few hours this evening. The hospital made an exception, just for today. The fact that I can't be with her over the rest of the stay is killing me. Madison cried a lot while I was there tonight and it was just so very hard. She adores her daddy and he is completely amazing...but she wants her momma too and I can't be there. =0( She is thirsty, hungry and wants to come home. Please pray for comfort and rest for her heart and body! And please pray for Brian to have the unending amount of energy needed to take care of her day and night for the next several days.
I feel like I have been hit by a truck, but knowing that so many people are praying and standing with us, is such a gift. Know that we want to respond to each message and encouraging word individually, but may not be able to. We love you all so much!"
Overall, things went as well as they could have gone on Thursday. We were just so thankful that the surgery went well and that she wasn't in a lot of pain. Now it was just a matter of being patient and letting her body heal and begin to function again, so she could come home.
Here are some pictures that were taken on Thursday...
* Daddy took this picture a little after 6:00 AM on Thursday morning, when Madison really woke up for the first time after her surgery. We were sure happy and relieved to see this sweet little smile!
* Around 9:00 AM ... lookin' a little rough in this one ... =0(
* Presents started arriving at the hospital Thursday afternoon...Poppa Jim & Louise sent her flowers, a balloon and this puppy dog, that she named Sam, after her first nurse. And G-Ma and Rex sent pretty pink flowers, a puppy balloon and this soft pink fox that she named Macey, after another of her nurses. Many more deliveries followed over the next few days...
* Angela stopped by the hospital and brought this adorable llama, that is now named Sanders =0) to Madison...so sweet! Sanders provided a lot of entertainment during the hospital stay...he was in a few puppet shows and had a spitting problem...haha...and Madison would make him peek over the screen at us when we would FaceTime and it was very funny! I especially like his fluffy eyebrows!
* I was so happy to be holding this sweet little hand! I just kept touching her the entire time I was there. And I also clipped her toenails! =0)
* Madison got a lot of new stuffed animals during her hospital stay, but Pony was still her faithful, favorite companion and was right by her side the entire time. I asked Madison about this rubber band on Pony's head and she told me it was keeping her bangs out of her eyes. =0)
* We named this tube "Satan" because it was so awful. Ugh!! It was hurting her nose, and it seemed to help a little bit if she held it up like this.
* Daddy is so good! (another post about that!)
* I took this picture of my big ol' belly, because I remember feeling so torn in that moment...I wanted to be able to take care of both of my babies at the same time, and it was just an impossible situation.
* Not gonna lie...it did make me a little nervous watching him unhook and then reattach all of these cords. Eek! I made him promise me that when they did this during the night that he would call a nurse to help him.
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