32 Weeks!

32 Weeks Pregnant + Wearing a Mask = Suffocation

#icantbreathe

I mean really...I cannot stand wearing a mask...I really think I might die from lack of oxygen or heat stroke! So I pretty much just don't go anywhere at all, except to my doctors appointments, where it is required to wear the mask. Thankfully, they don't take very long! The check-in process for my appts is definitely different these days...first of all, I have to go by myself...Brian isn't able to come with me...I pull into the parking lot where I have my temperature taken and then I wait until the nurse calls me and says to come in. I go up the elevator and the nurse is waiting for me and takes me directly back to the room where I see my doctor. There's no waiting room at all, which I'm grateful for. 

Here we are, on May 1st, at 32 weeks! "ONLY" 7 weeks to go...that still feels like FOREVER! Why is it that the first few months of a baby's life passes so quickly, but the last two months of pregnancy is never ending?? That's just really not fair at all! 

I have good days & I have bad days...I have learned just to ride the waves of my emotions and feelings, and know that this is a season that is necessary and it will definitely be worth it all when this baby is in my arms! Pregnancy at 37 years old, as opposed to 23, 26, and 30 years old with our other babies, is way, WAY harder. I just have absolutely no energy at all, and I ache all over...especially in my back. But, I'm doing it!!! 

One of the hardest parts of pregnancy for me is the weight gain...just like with my other pregnancies, I am on track to gain over 60 lbs again...maybe even more than that...and I hate it. I look in the mirror and I hate the reflection that I see...I don't feel beautiful in any way, but the life growing inside of me is the most beautiful gift...so I just try to embrace it and remember that it is temporary. **Not being able to have my hair colored or my nails done right now isn't helping my self esteem issues either!

I'm a survivor...I'm not gonna give up...I'm not gonna stop...I'm gonna work harder... =0))) 

It is good to look back and see how far I have come! I can do this! 

I came across this letter on FB the other day...the third trimester of this pregnancy is turning out to be unlike anything I could have ever dreamed of...it seems like life is just turned upside down and we are in full-on survival mode. But guess what?! I'm doing it...and it's all going to be okay! 

We're sorry, mama.

We're sorry your pregnancy didn't go as planned. That you had to cancel your baby shower and skip on your maternity photoshoot. 

We're sorry you couldn't roam Target endlessly picking out all the baby things. That you had to shop from behind a screen instead. 

We're sorry that your birth plan went out the window. That you couldn't have a birth photographer, or your mom for encouraging words, or worse, your partner who couldn't witness the birth of their child.

We're sorry this magical time was replaced with fear and uncertainty instead. That you couldn't have visitors to help wash the dishes, cook a hot meal, or snuggle your new baby while you took a much needed shower break. 

We're sorry that some people might refer to your baby as a "pandemic baby", because they're not. They're just like any other baby. There's nothing about a global crisis that defines a child's life. Or your pregnancy. Or how and when you brought your baby into this world. 

So mama, we're sorry. But remember, you did it, even though it seemed impossible, YOU DID IT!