It's. Going. To. Be. Okay.

 It's. Going. To. Be. Okay. 

I wish I were a "glass half full"kind of person. But I'm not. The craziness happening in our world right now has almost been too much for me this past week. I see everyone posting all of these creative, fun, educational, positive things they are doing with their kids...and I've even tried to do some of those things...but the reality right now for me is that I am at the beginning of the 3rd trimester of pregnancy of a difficult pregnancy...and the thought of having to do "homeschool" with my kids for who knows how long has me craving Xanax that I can't have right now. #honesty 

I have to remind myself a hundred times a day that it's all going to be okay. It's okay that my kids are eating Mac-n-cheese for the 6th time this week, it's okay that they are playing video games and watching movies most of the day, it's okay that I'm not spending every waking minute entertaining them. It's okay that I have cried buckets of tears in the last 72 hours because I am an anxious, overwhelmed, sad mess. I know that I have to remember this is just a season. I don't want to waste it, but I also just need to survive it. This is what #momlife looks like for me right now. I know that I have so much to be thankful for...and I truly am thankful...I adore my family, for one...but as someone who struggles with anxiety and depression under normal circumstances, the abnormality and uncertainty of life right now is just really heavy. #letsbereal 

But...we are healthy...we have food...we have a comfortable home...we even have toilet paper...and most importantly, we have the assurance that even when we don't know what tomorrow holds, we know who holds tomorrow! Just felt the need to be real about the fact that life is hard right now...and...that's okay. 

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxieties upon Him, because he cares for you."

That was my instagram post for this picture on March 20th, at the end of Spring Break...when reality was setting in that the kids weren't going back to school & life was about to look a lot different because of covid-19. And I was 26 weeks pregnant, at the beginning of the 3rd trimester. On top of that, I found out that I failed my 1 hr glucose test that I took the day before and would be required to go back the next week to do the 3 hr glucose test. I was beside myself over it...I couldn't believe they were making me sit in a lab for 3 hours to do that. I had a complete sobbing meltdown on the phone with my OB about it on this morning, and she convinced me that it was important and I needed to do it, to make sure I didn't have gestational diabetes. I think the combination of being upset over that & the overwhelming task of having to "homeschool" starting the following Wednesday, plus just regular pregnancy hormones and emotions, just sent me over the edge for a few days. The kids spent 2 nights at G-Ma's house and I think I cried the majority of the time they were gone. I think I just needed to get it out of my system. 

#deepbreaths 

I can do this.

Trying to have this attitude!

I took these pics in the DLO (lab) waiting room, while I sat there for 3 hours (after I failed the 1 hour test the week before)...thankfully, only two people came in the entire time I was there. I was nervous about having to sit in a waiting room area in the midst of the corona outbreak. Plus, I felt so sick and so sleepy after drinking that awful drink. Having my blood drawn 4 times over the course of 3 hours wasn't exactly fun either. Needless to say, I was SO relieved when this was over! And SO happy when my doctors office called the next day to tell me that I had passed this test and I didn't have gestational diabetes. Thank you, Lord!! I really think that would have tipped my scales completely.